just keep swimming...

I just have to keep on keeping on… feeling overwhelmed with all that is on my plate and constantly reminding myself that all I can do is just keep on keeping on… moving forward and facing the light…

I am so proud of all I have done here on this website and yet when I adventure to other peers websites I fall into comparison mode… this isn’t the most professional site… but it is mine… it’s all I can do… I can’t afford to pay someone to create it for me at this point and all I can do is the best I can do… it’s all baby steps …my learning how to use and create this site… that doesn’t even touch the difficulty I have in promoting myself….after all these years I still have such a hard time putting myself out there and touting my gifts and skills as valuable… why am I so hard on myself?

today’s affirmation from Louise Hay cards was I release all feelings of negativity and guilt… I have to remember I am good enough….it is good enough…my website… it’s about as real as it gets to representing me because it’s all me doing it… my photos, my words, my classes and events… I have something good to share with others and I need to stop feeling and thinking I’m not good enough…

I know I am not the only one with this internal struggle… I am not alone… I am not unworthy and I am committed shining my light as bright as I can … some days are brighter than others and that’s ok.

Trying my best to face the light…

to feel the light and to be the light…

2019... Bam just like that it's 2019

I can’t even believe how fast the time goes by…. how much has changed in the last several months… it’s head spinning shit LOL

I have decided not to pursue being ordained within the Spiritualist Church. I have so many interests and belief systems that I don’t want to be boxed into one. As a member of the community and certified worker I can have more freedom with my work and beliefs but as the Pastor I’d be limited to representing myself aligned completely with the church beliefs. It just felt right for me to back off. I spend the summer torn up about it and trying to get Jason’s attention to explain to him where I was at… when I finally got it out my heart felt such relief. The words started flowing from me again and I felt more like myself and more creative than I have felt in years.

It really made me focus on the way life can change. How we can want one thing for ourselves… really want it and work towards completing that goal and then one day it can change… and that’s ok.

it’s ok to change my mind and want something different for myself.

it’s ok to change your mind and want something different for yourself.

I’ve spent the summer studying with Kyle Gray and being part of his Angel Tribe and also his Certified Angel Guide Course… and now I am certified in his Angel Card Mastery Program and also as a Certified Angel Guide… I’ve found these studies to be really fascinating …. I never opened the door to Angels before and I have to say what a blast… The reality of the help and support we have from those on the other side is astounding. I am beyond excited to be working with the Angels and be able to start offering these sessions to clients as I expand myself, my skills and services….

it’s been a whirlwind of a summer and fall and now we’re in 2019 and it’s not stopping…I’m a mixed up ball of excited and hesitant, motivated and paralyzed, happy and sad as I face the reality of life and death within my own family… My ex husband, my daughters father, is dying from pancreatic cancer and my time is consumed with making sure he is supported on his journey thru this disease. Helping him do what he believes is best for himself as we face the inevitable end of his days in physical form.

The lessons continue. The journey of discovering who I am and why I am here continues to evolve as my path leads places I’d have never imagined or dreamt of.

My life is beyond good. I am beyond blessed. I am grateful.

you just never know how life is going to change…

savor every moment…

baby steps back into it...

I'd like to think i'm making my way back into the flow of work with little baby steps ... that seems weird considering how busy i've felt...it think after the stillness of doing nothing everything seems a whirlwind... truly i've kept it slow and steady... i've missed out on getting so much done... so many things on my list since closing the studio and opening the loft doors ...things that remain on my list... untouched... others have come go finished and crossed off while so many tedious To Do's remain and even get added to...  there ARE days when i feel like jumping and skipping way ahead...doing and doing and doing to try and catch up and get to where i thought i'd be now...

the hard part is embracing the knowing that if i do that i'll miss so much of what i really need to absorb on this path... if i skip hurriedly down the path to get it all down i'll miss the importance of my forced stillness in the first place...

everything will fall into divine order and timing ... this i trust... i'll continue to take baby steps and look for the guidance that leads me to the next best path to crossing off items on my list... 

one of those items is to get blogging... to speak up and be seen... to be heard.

Thank you Spirit ...

I trust... I am watching and I will follow your guidance as I recognize it and pray you will help gently when I don't.  

what a winter...

what a winter... oh my goodness ...

it's funny how the universe works...

I fell and broke my ankle the week before christmas and has to then spend all of january and february sitting on my couch healing...

I think it was really a needed break... in the span of 3 short years so much of my life has changed and shifted and I believe my body needed some down time to settle into it all... i forgot how hard it is to do nothing... i had to force myself to listen to books and nap... I couldn't drive because it's my right foot and I couldn't step on the brake pedal... so down time is what i got...

time to do nothing... at first i thought i'd be able to maybe work on this site... or learn some things about technology that my brain needs to be updated on... but brains on pain and pain killers don't function well and i had to just do nothing...

omg... can you do nothing?   it's not easy...

i found that i am ever so grateful to have this life... my new husband took excellent care of me and had no expectations that i could do more than i could do... my home stayed warm enough and clean enough and i got to binge on This is Us episodes till the tissues ran out <3  

i'm grateful to be back on my feet and back to work daily <3
i'm learning to be grateful for the down time...

my whole self needed it ...so i could be my whole self <3

Hello Spring

we've been waiting...

always a work in progress...

I'm still trying to find time to work on the details of this page... and unpack boxes...and design the new loft space... and schedule new events and work on personal family stuff like holiday dinners and gift shopping... and and... there's always an and...

I'm reminded of Abraham ... you can't get it wrong and you never get it done... man oh man is that the truth... you never get it done... it's the deliciousness of the wanting... the joy of the doing... that's the whole point... it's the process... the progress... it's loving the doing and the getting done and recognizing the wonderful truth and beauty and the GIFT in the knowledge that I am indeed...life is indeed... thankfully so...

always a work in progress...

In the beginning...

I didn’t know I was a medium or had any special connection to spirit until I sat in a circle as an adult with the hopes of receiving a message from my Grammy.

I was the girl who was always called too sensitive.  Who cried at everything.  Who felt separate from everyone and everything… but I never had those moments of knowing spirit was around me that other mediums talk about.  I could see Jesus in the wood grain of my door and I liked that… which in itself was odd because we weren’t exactly a religious family.  We did the Sunday school thing once in a while but I wouldn’t call either of my parents religious.  Mom would try and get a group to go to midnight candle services on Christmas eve and perhaps we’d go on easter with our dresses and hats… but Jesus wasn’t part of the family in a way that would make me happy to have him on my door… I just was.

I don’t recall having this connection to spirit as a child.  I do remember after my Grammy died … I was 4…and my mom was crying for her and I do remember thinking and saying don’t cry… she’s right here… I remember wondering why was my mom crying so hard when Grammy was right here… it’s a small memory but knowing what I know now I’d say it was my first knowing of spirit and the continuity of life.